Emotional Release in the Sketchbook

As a professional fine artist who is also juggling a demanding 911 career and working for a non-profit, I sometimes struggle with pent-up emotion from the stress and anxiety that comes with living a busy life. So what do I do with that type of energy? Normally, I schedule what I like to call a cry day (or night). A moment where I can take time away from life, sit in a dark, secluded room, or take a hot shower and just let the tears flow. Nothing has to be bothering me at that specific time. However, I can feel the emotional tension inside my body, and I have to release it. And because I don't like to cry in front of others, I need to do this alone...in secret.

Recently, I had one of these moments, except this one wasn't planned. It snuck up on me. I was in my art room setting up my supplies to work on a painting. I came across a perfectly sharpened #2 pencil sitting on my desk. Upon seeing it, I instantly had the urge to draw something. But I quickly dismissed that thought. I needed to work on this painting, and I wasn't going to allow myself to be distracted. But then I turned around and saw my sketchbook sitting nearby. I couldn't shake the urge. It almost felt like I had to do it. I grabbed the pencil. And as I turned back to pick up my sketchbook, I felt the emotion welling up inside of me. I had no idea what to draw, so I just started making marks and scribbling with my eyes closed. It was the first time in my life that I didn't care what my creation looked like. I just wanted to feel myself dragging that pencil across the pages. And then it happened. The floodgates opened, and the tears began to run down cheeks. I got up to close the door just when a sob tried to escape from between my lips. It was nighttime, but the kids were still awake just across the hall. I didn't want to have to explain why Mom was crying and scribbling in her sketchbook like a baby. All I knew in that moment was that I needed this. I've been burying everything for too long. It was time to let it out. Stress from work (Do I still want to do this? Am I even good at my job?). Stress in my marriage (AITA? or is he?). Stress at the easel (I haven't painted anything in a month...I haven't sold anything in months. Why am I even still doing this?) I needed to purge all of that from my body. And when I was done, I felt a lot better. It was almost like a weight lifted from my shoulders. My brain was quiet. That ticker tape of thoughts had stopped (at least for a few minutes). I was able to start painting with a more focused mind.

Scribbled around some existing sketches in my sketchbook.

What is the science behind this? According to researchers, scribbling can help process and express emotions. Scribbling can also reveal a lot about your inner thoughts. Psychologists say certain patterns and shapes can indicate specific psychological states or traits. For example, spirals and circles can indicate self-discovery, introspection, or a need for unity and/or attention. Sharp lines and angles may represent tension or anxiety. Zigzags may represent frustration. Horizontal lines reflect calm focus. Even your color choices can give hints to what's going on inside your head.

Besides the psychological benefits, another reason why this exercise was so great is that it allowed me to let go. Normally, when I create, it is very planned. I'm working from a specific theme with a perfectly curated reference photo that I found on Pinterest. Scribbling allowed me to feel the art. I had my eyes closed and my headphones on, completely blocking out the rest of the world. I followed my intuition and let the pencil guide me on where to go next. I didn't think about it. Only felt it. And it felt freeing.