Are My Art Goals Keeping Me from Being a Good Mom?
Being a working mom with big dreams is a lot to manage.
As moms, we often feel like failures when we can’t live up to our own expectations of being a "good mom." When I imagined myself as a parent, I pictured this cosmopolitan corporate woman by day and Suzy Homemaker in the evening—dinner ready by 6, attending every ball game, keeping a pristine home like a TV sitcom set, all while staying perfectly put together with flawless hair, a fit body, and freshly manicured nails.
Fast forward to reality: I’m currently working overnight 12-hour shifts that barely leave room for quality sleep, let alone cooking dinner every night. I make it to most of my kids’ games, but attending every single one isn’t physically possible. My house looks more like “Married… with Children” than “Family Matters.” And self-care? Let’s just say if my husband started questioning his attraction to me, I wouldn’t blame him.
The truth is, being a working mom with big dreams is a lot to manage. Sometimes I worry whether I’m successfully juggling all the plates. My full-time job is already demanding, taking me away from my family for 12 hours a day. On top of that, I dedicate most of my "free time" to building my art business.
These thoughts constantly cross my mind:
Am I being selfish?
Should I dedicate my free time exclusively to my family instead of splitting it with Arie Debren Art?
Will my kids be negatively affected by seeing me constantly exhausted and stressed?
Interestingly, when I used to picture myself as a mom growing up, the future husband in this made up scenario was always a blurry figure in the background—not really doing much. Why do we do this to ourselves as mothers? We set these massive expectations and assume we have to do it all alone. Many of us were conditioned to believe that moms should effortlessly balance career success with perfect parenting, just like the TV moms we grew up watching. Those storylines rarely showed the exhaustion, the frustration, or the inevitable mom-guilt that those characters were probably feeling. (Sidenote: This is not to say that my actual real husband doesn’t do anything. He is very much involved in our kids’ lives. The point I’m trying to make is, as mothers, we are conditioned to believe we’re supposed to handle everything on our own when it comes taking care of the children and the household.)
The reality is, "Mothering is a job with ever-shifting requirements. That’s what makes it hard and impossible to do perfectly," according to Psychology Today.
So, are my art goals keeping me from being a good mom?
"Mothering is a job with ever-shifting requirements. That’s what makes it hard and impossible to do perfectly."
My honest answer is… sometimes. I do get wrapped up in Arie Debren Art when I could probably be more focused on my kids. But on the flip side, I am present as much as I can be for a person working a full time outside the home and trying to grow a small business at the same time. I show up for their games, support their interests, make sure they’re on top of their schoolwork, cook dinner when I can, and most importantly keep the lines of communication open with them. My kids think I’m weird for asking them random thought provoking questions out of the blue, but those random questions almost always lead to really great conversations where we all walk away having learned more about each other. And they feel comfortable coming to talk to me about uncomfortable things.
Yet, every time my kids make a bad decision, I immediately blame myself. When I get that dreaded phone call from school, my first thought is, "What could I have done differently?" Lately, it’s been, "If I spent more time with them instead of focusing so much on my art business or putting in overtime at work, would they behave better? Would they take their schoolwork more seriously?"
The answer isn’t black and white. The truth is, pursuing my art is part of who I am, and showing my kids that I am passionate, hardworking, and dedicated to my dreams can be an invaluable life lesson that I’m teaching them.
Maybe being a "good mom" isn’t about being perfect. Maybe it’s about showing our kids that life is a balancing act, that passion matters, and that moms are human too. I can only hope that whatever mistakes I’m making as a mom , they can forgive me for them and appreciate the fact that I’m trying my best to be my best for them.💖
Finding contentment in a busy artist life
Finding Contentment in a Busy Life
Lately, I’ve been feeling burnt out—drained, exhausted, and like there’s no time for anything other than just getting through the day. A close friend of mine recently told me I need to stop doing things for free (trying to build my portfolio and help out some family friends), and honestly, I think he’s right. Whatever free time I do have, I need to keep it for myself—unless it’s making me money. Not that money is everything, but time is definitely valuable.
That got me thinking: How do people make themselves content with life? I always find myself wanting more—something better, something new, something different. I envy those who seem satisfied with life just as it is. How do they get like that? Have they always been that way?
I’m sure mindset plays a big role. The people I know who are content just seem… happy. Their minds seem quiet. But the truth is, I enjoy being busy. I always have a goal I’m striving for. If I could just make all the effort worth it by attaining those goals, maybe I’d feel more at peace.
When I look at the people in my life, I see examples of contentment. My husband, for example, is happy with the way our life is now. Sure, he’s okay with improving our situation, but if things stayed the same forever, he’d be fine with that. My kids are content too—aside from the occasional new video game request, they don’t seem to constantly want more out of life. And then there’s my cat, Oso. As long as his food bowl is full, he’s good.
And my parents? They might be the most content of all. Retired, living in Florida, spending their evenings in the backyard, sipping wine, and listening to music. They don’t seem to have a care in the world beyond their basic needs.
If contentment means being in a state of peaceful happiness, when do I feel most content? I feel it after a delicious meal. I feel it when I finish a painting and it turns out exactly how I envisioned it. I feel it when I’m watching an intriguing documentary with my hubby, especially when he plays in my hair. I feel it when I’m at home—in bed, on the couch, outside on my deck watching the sunset, or in my art room (when it’s not a mess). These are the moments when my mind is calm and quiet.
But why isn’t this state of contentment ever-present for me? Because I’m always wanting more. Always pushing for better.
While researching for this blog, I came across an article on CNBC.com that suggests having 2-5 hours of free time a day is ideal for boosted happiness. On greatergood.berkeley.edu, Dr. Dorji Wangchuk describes contentment as "the knowledge of enough... How whole do you feel inside?"
Some strategies I found to help with contentment include:
Relax more
Slow down
Enjoy the now
Adjust your mindset
I know I can improve in all these areas. As an artist trying to build a sustainable business while working full-time, I’m constantly in “go mode.” I rarely take time to just relax and be in the moment. My mind is always on the next goal, the next skill to improve, the next project to complete.
But those who are truly content understand that contentment comes from within. It comes from mindfulness, from living in the present, and from celebrating the small wins. Maybe it’s time I start doing the same.
🎵I’m So Excited and I Just Can't Hide It!🎶
Hey guys! Welcome to another installment of Debren's Den where I share with you my inner thoughts and art life updates. You may be asking what's got me so excited that I’m singing old 80s hits. Well, if you must know (and I really want you to know!) my first event of 2025 is coming up very soon. February 23 to be exact. That’s next weekend! I’ve been a busy bee getting everything ready so I can kick off my 2025 market vending season with a bang!
Look at me rambling on and I haven't even told you about the event yet. I’ll be a vendor at the Atlanta Black Expo taking place at the Georgia World Congress Center, Sunday February 23, 2025. This will be the biggest event I have ever done! Come visit my booth to check out my original abstract realism art, art prints, canvas prints, greeting cards, and stickers. You may even get a glimpse of me live painting. 😉
I'll also be offering an Atlanta Black Expo exclusive print bundle - get both the “Black Love” and “Love and War” art prints (a bundle valued at over $100) for only $90! Again this is exclusive for the Atlanta Black Expo. You won’t find this sale in my online shop. So that means to take advantage of this great deal on these 2 beautiful prints, you have to be in attendance.
The base price for the tickets start at $15. But if you use my code “ADA” you’ll get $5 off your ticket price. The expo offers so much more than just the vendor market, though. Please visit the Atlanta Black Expo website to see the exciting program lineup and get your tickets before they are all sold out! www.atlblackexpo.com .
I look forward to seeing everyone at the expo!
Disney-Inspired Time-Lapse: Spaceship Earth Inktober
🚨NEW VIDEO ALERT🚨
Hey there, art lovers! Join me as I bring some Disney vibes to the sketchbook with a little ink and a lot of love. Inspired by my recent trip to Disney World and Epcot, this time-lapse shows me drawing Spaceship Earth from start to finish. Plus, you'll catch a few clips of my travel adventures. The video is live NOW, so go check it out! Don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe while you're there!😀
Welcome to Debren's Den!
We are excited to welcome you to Debren's Den, our new space for art lovers, enthusiasts, and supporters of abstract portrait oil paintings. We’ve recently launched a sleek, user-friendly website that showcases my work in a vibrant and engaging way, making it easier for you to explore, discover, and connect with the pieces that resonate with you.
This month, I am thrilled to announce the completion of my latest painting, titled Love and War . Love and War is the first installment of my newest series of paintings centered around the challenges of love and relationships. This piece captures the complex emotions of conflict and connection through contrasting colors and bold strokes. It embodies the essence of human experience, reflecting how love can emerge even amidst turmoil.
To celebrate its launch, I will be offering a limited edition prints of Love and War soon, allowing you to bring a piece of this journey into your own space. Keep an eye on your inbox for more details, as these prints will be available for a limited time only!
Thank you for joining me in this adventure. I look forward to sharing more about my art, inspiration, and upcoming projects with you. Stay tuned for more updates, and together, let’s explore the beauty of abstract art!