Are My Art Goals Keeping Me from Being a Good Mom?
Being a working mom with big dreams is a lot to manage.
As moms, we often feel like failures when we can’t live up to our own expectations of being a "good mom." When I imagined myself as a parent, I pictured this cosmopolitan corporate woman by day and Suzy Homemaker in the evening—dinner ready by 6, attending every ball game, keeping a pristine home like a TV sitcom set, all while staying perfectly put together with flawless hair, a fit body, and freshly manicured nails.
Fast forward to reality: I’m currently working overnight 12-hour shifts that barely leave room for quality sleep, let alone cooking dinner every night. I make it to most of my kids’ games, but attending every single one isn’t physically possible. My house looks more like “Married… with Children” than “Family Matters.” And self-care? Let’s just say if my husband started questioning his attraction to me, I wouldn’t blame him.
The truth is, being a working mom with big dreams is a lot to manage. Sometimes I worry whether I’m successfully juggling all the plates. My full-time job is already demanding, taking me away from my family for 12 hours a day. On top of that, I dedicate most of my "free time" to building my art business.
These thoughts constantly cross my mind:
Am I being selfish?
Should I dedicate my free time exclusively to my family instead of splitting it with Arie Debren Art?
Will my kids be negatively affected by seeing me constantly exhausted and stressed?
Interestingly, when I used to picture myself as a mom growing up, the future husband in this made up scenario was always a blurry figure in the background—not really doing much. Why do we do this to ourselves as mothers? We set these massive expectations and assume we have to do it all alone. Many of us were conditioned to believe that moms should effortlessly balance career success with perfect parenting, just like the TV moms we grew up watching. Those storylines rarely showed the exhaustion, the frustration, or the inevitable mom-guilt that those characters were probably feeling. (Sidenote: This is not to say that my actual real husband doesn’t do anything. He is very much involved in our kids’ lives. The point I’m trying to make is, as mothers, we are conditioned to believe we’re supposed to handle everything on our own when it comes taking care of the children and the household.)
The reality is, "Mothering is a job with ever-shifting requirements. That’s what makes it hard and impossible to do perfectly," according to Psychology Today.
So, are my art goals keeping me from being a good mom?
"Mothering is a job with ever-shifting requirements. That’s what makes it hard and impossible to do perfectly."
My honest answer is… sometimes. I do get wrapped up in Arie Debren Art when I could probably be more focused on my kids. But on the flip side, I am present as much as I can be for a person working a full time outside the home and trying to grow a small business at the same time. I show up for their games, support their interests, make sure they’re on top of their schoolwork, cook dinner when I can, and most importantly keep the lines of communication open with them. My kids think I’m weird for asking them random thought provoking questions out of the blue, but those random questions almost always lead to really great conversations where we all walk away having learned more about each other. And they feel comfortable coming to talk to me about uncomfortable things.
Yet, every time my kids make a bad decision, I immediately blame myself. When I get that dreaded phone call from school, my first thought is, "What could I have done differently?" Lately, it’s been, "If I spent more time with them instead of focusing so much on my art business or putting in overtime at work, would they behave better? Would they take their schoolwork more seriously?"
The answer isn’t black and white. The truth is, pursuing my art is part of who I am, and showing my kids that I am passionate, hardworking, and dedicated to my dreams can be an invaluable life lesson that I’m teaching them.
Maybe being a "good mom" isn’t about being perfect. Maybe it’s about showing our kids that life is a balancing act, that passion matters, and that moms are human too. I can only hope that whatever mistakes I’m making as a mom , they can forgive me for them and appreciate the fact that I’m trying my best to be my best for them.💖